I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Big Boned….

….and other excuses for being a big heffalump.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of brews--and chips--and salty jatz--
Of cabbages--and thins--
And why the tea is boiling hot--
And whether to have onion rings."

The time has also come for a touch of accountability, and I’m going to rely on you, my friends, to give me a good telling off when (…I was going to say “if”, but it would be pointless really, & it’s perhaps best to start off as honestly as I can….) my resolve begins to slacken.


(All pics are of “Hilda” created by artist Duane Bryers, some from here – I think she’s GORGEOUS, so wanted to use them… believe me, if I looked as good as she does, and had as many crazy adventures, I’d be very happy!)

I’m fat you see. There. I’ve said it. I’m not big boned, I’m not festively plump, I’m not a beefcake, I can’t claim that it’s puppy fat, I don’t believe I retain that many mega-litres of water, I doubt it’s a thyroid problem.


I’m unfit too, which is worse. Not so unfit that walking around gets me puffed, or I have to take a breather half way to the park, but that kind of lazy “I’m not running over there to kick the ball because I don’t WANT to, not because I would start wheezing like an eighty year old with lung disease” unfitness.

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t look upon “exercise” with disdain. I would dread Phys Ed class, walk the entire length of cross country runs, drag my feet up and down the football field slowly while everybody else, uh, played football…. I didn’t mind netball in my extreme youth – as I was tall it seemed I didn’t have to do much in the position of ‘Goal Keeper’ except stand on one foot & hold my arm out in an attempt to block a goal.


As much as I know I don’t like getting puffed & having my chest ache, & as much as I know I enjoy a beer & the probably-should-be-more-occasional occasional batch of fish & chips, I also know that being a l’elephant (…little elephant…) makes me unhappy when I don’t need to be, it makes me a cruddy role model for Le Punk and it holds me back somehow, waters down my self confidence when there isn’t a whole lot there to be watered down in the first place, so something really must be done.

But how?! The easiest way, I am told, is to not eat crap & to exercise. It’s always the exercise that is my undoing. I’ve just not found anything I love. I ride my bike out of necessity, sometimes it’s nice, riding to the park through luscious greenery in the early morning for example, but if that ride were uphill or even had a slight incline, I doubt I’d enjoy it very much at all.


When I was little and we moved from the cold, constant drizzle of Victoria to the hot, arid desert-like top of New South Wales, after fainting immediately with heat stroke, I went to the pool every single day. My hair was white and my limbs were brown & when I look at pictures I realise that I was a regular kid, not the big fat thing I saw myself as… although I WAS bigger. I’ve always been tall, often I was the tallest kid in my class until late secondary, and somehow in my head I equated tall with big & big with fat & as I think anyone with a weight problem will tell you, nothing makes you want to eat a doughnut more than feeling big and fat and alone. Eventually I gave up the pool & took to sitting in my room listening to the radio & hating everyone, but that was probably more of a teenage thing than a fat kid thing, although it didn’t assist the situation.

My mother (..you might want to look away now Mum, if you’re reading…) was big on deep fried meals in my teens, and I would request & be given a massive plate full for dinner. It didn’t help that this meal was often the only thing I would have eaten all day; I would prefer to sleep in longer rather than get up & eat breakfast & make my lunch so I would trot off to school most days with an empty stomach & no little lunchbox filled with neatly cut sandwiches & a juice box. Sometimes I would cage half a sandwich from my friend, but usually I would hang around before dinner, salivating at the smell of deep fried crumbed things sizzling away.


Whoa….! This seems to be getting away from me & I’m not yet out of my teens! There are many more issues, oh yes, & stories, & excuses… but I’ll save them, perhaps to share later, when I’ve had some sort of big fall & I want you to see how it might have happened (…don’t listen though, you mustn’t! Be hard, be strong, tell me off!).

I’ll finish by saying I’m giving it yet another go. The getting healthy bizzo. From NOW.

Will keep you posted.


  1. I can relate to so much of your angst Vic. Except that I am a short arse lol! C'mon. Let's get these yummy mummies blossoming this year! (And Cartman wasn't fat- he was just big boned...wasn't he?)

  2. oh you sound like me at school, i used to cry to get out of every sport lesson!

    i wish i could give you some advice but i think it would be quite unsolicited considering i just don't seem to ever put on weight, so who am I to give advice.

    And I'm not sure I really want anyway cos all those beautiful pictures made being big look hot!

  3. Oh no Tas, he was a BEEFCAKE, BEEFCAKE!!! Thank you for your comment my sweet, knowing that I'm not the only one certainly makes me feel a bit better. Yummy mummies...?! Yeah, why not?!

    Isis, It would be oh-so-easy to say "I hate you!" and your never putting on weight ways... and in the past I would have, because it is so much easier to puts somebody else down that to look objectively at yourself, but now I can say "That's nice." (with just a hint of jealousy... hehe) and really mean it. This whole deal is about ME, and I'm finally beginning to realise it. I have to tell myself that, that I'm doing this for ME, not for anybody else or to try to be anybody else.

    Thanks for your comment my dear, and I know, how hot is Hilda?!


  4. I started January with an aim of losing 3kg this month as a start to becoming fitter and healthier. Nothing crazy, just eating less and moving more. I made it to 1.5 kg down and have lost momentum! So I need to get my focus back and jump back on the bandwagon. Good luck with your quest, I hope your focus is better than mine!

  5. I am in the same boat.. and unfortunately have to start SOME exercise to get my weight done (although in a months time I'm down 12 lbs.. this is to almost sheer starvation - okay it just feels like it). best of luck!

  6. Ooohh, I'm big boned too! Er, ok ... I'm just plain fat. I'll admit falling more into the slummy mummy category. And definitely not a fan of exercise ... perhaps I need to affix the laptop to an exercise bike or rowing machine.

    Good on you Vic and good luck!!!

  7. Thanks sweet things - Liesl... you CRACK ME UP, slummy mummy indeed!

  8. I totally know where you're coming from Vic. I mean it....I know cos I was THE fat kid.

    I've worked on all this stuff for so long, I know exactly what all my problems are...all my 'triggers' but they seem to so much stronger than me.

    I do love the feeling that exercise gives me though so I'm lucky I guess in that sense....hmmmm....I still can't conquer all the other 'issues'.

    Sorry for going on and on but one of my biggest exercise motivators is my kids. They totally see it as a fun part of life which was my goal cos I never saw anyone exercise when I was a kid and hence hated anything that required movement other than stealing biscuits from Nana's biscuit jar.

    Sometimes the kids workout with me, sometimes they ignore me, sometimes they shout out 'go Mum, you won!!' which is great.

    Good luck...I'll be here!

  9. First of all I have to say that I love those pics!
    I know it is not easy, in fact on the bad days it can be just plain difficult to stay motivated. Hugs and good luck.

  10. Like Isis, I can't be saying too much about this issue, for the same reason. But I do have underlying issues of a different sort, with a different outcome. But what courage for sharing this with us. Well done you. Hugs.
    Is that her name? Hilda. Have seen her around and didn't know her name. mmmm......have to agree she does look good!

  11. Lurrrrve your post, Hilda is stunning! Yep I relate to all you say ... I was the fat, freckly kid for yonks!
    Now I'd be regarded as fat ... not hugely fat, wearing size M top or S skirt/pants in my fave 'TS' label clothes. BUT more importantly ... I'm HAPPY ... the happiest I have been about myself in my entire life and to me that's what counts.
    You deserve an Australia Day award for acknowledging you're concerned about setting an example for Le Punkette. You're right, You've got it, it's so easy ... it'a all about what we put in our mouth! For me being wheat, gluten, dairy free helps big time! Good luck on your quest, hope you work out what's best for you gorgeous girls! xo.

  12. Sam - I simply don't believe you could have ever have been 'THE fat kid' you are soooooo beautiful!

    You are right about the exercise & modelling it for Le Punk, I too saw nobody exercising when I was wee so wasn't used to it or interested in it in the slightest. Thank you very much for sharing... I might email you seen with more questions that you'll care to answer... ;) xo

    Pam - Courageous I am not my dear. Unfortunately this being fat thing is a bit obvious... and the more you try to hide it, the more obvious it is...! Just honest is all.

    Cherie - Wheat, gluten & dairy free... just reading that seems like a lot of work...! You see my problem don't you... gosh I'm lazy. Really, really lazy!
    Hilda IS devine. I especially love the last photo where she's fallen asleep with her biscuits!!

    Thank you again all, you're lovely. :)

  13. I could have written what you wrote, in every point except the fried foods. we just had big serves and had to eat what was on our plates. I do think i have big bones though lol. No REALLY! but well padded big bones atm.
    Love those pics! I'm not so well proportioned I think :)
    I was threatened with failing PE if i didn't at least attempt the horse but I stuck to my guns and didnt' fail. I mean, I think I should be the judge of what my body is capable of and flying through the air at a solid lump of wood was not one of those things lol.
    Wish I was as fat as I thought I was then too :D

  14. Hey, don't worry too much.

    If you really want to lose weight and - above all - get fitter, then start slowly. It's not helpful to make up a boot camp exercise schedule you won't be able to stick to AT ALL. (And you know that, Ms. I-have-grand-plans =).)

    Try to keep the pressure away from you. Look at me: My daughter was born in August, and I should have been attending my post-pregnancy-exercising-course once a week since early November. Guess what - I went there ONCE, and even though it felt good, very good to do something, I never went there again. I still have to attend nine times. But the more I think "It's necessary, you HAVE to go there!", the more I hate it. Pressure's bad. And I'm lazy.

    By the way, drink a big glass of water before every meal - that may be a good start, no? :)

  15. Can totally relate, I have an underactive thyroid which complicates things, but the only exercise I actually like is yoga ;)

  16. Im a big girl too. Exersice is for losers.. haven't you read that? I love the pics they make fatness look attractive. If I cant be thin Id like to apply to be one of these pics you posted.. Good luck with your fitness goals


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